I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
