You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
