Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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