I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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