i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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