just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
