i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
