I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
