hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
