Yo dont text me then not text me
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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