I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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