So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
