Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
