Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
