yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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