hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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