If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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