My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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