Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
