Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
