New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
