my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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