I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
