do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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