my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
