so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
