I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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