I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
