Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
