what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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