I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
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