i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
