I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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