omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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