don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
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the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
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Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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