I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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