Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
