Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
