is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
vagina is talking i cant
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
True strength comes from lack of pants
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
ok first of all what the fuck
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
