I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
