I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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