Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize