Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
