remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
