I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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