Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I am mentally ready for anal.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
