Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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