So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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