Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You don't make any sense
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