I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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