It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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