I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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