i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
