I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
