Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Randomize