dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
