my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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