Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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