is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
