Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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