I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
