Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
