I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
