i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Randomize
