I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
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She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
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She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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