Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
