I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
