Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2