I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
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she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
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Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.