if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake