so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
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Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
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Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.