worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
