If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
