We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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