so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
