I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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