New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
