I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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