Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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