I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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