OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
