I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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