So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
People in love make me want to vomit
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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