I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
